What do you do when you get shafted professionally or personally, or both?
30/05/11: What do you do when you get shafted professionally or personally, or both?
Does anyone else think this week could be re-badged as ‘’be shafted’” week? I’ve watched a number of people, high profile and close to me, deal with being stung professionally and personally for a whole range of reasons and in different circumstances. They all have one thing in common, someone or something has caused them pain and they are hurting.
Thousands of people will wake up this morning having been let down in some way professionally or personally or both. And will struggle to get through the day, dealing with businesses, children, paying bills and family.
Watching the grace of Maria Shriver this week on the news her husband the Terminator (he won’t be back!) has fathered a love child; it struck me we have a choice on how we react to being shafted. The choices we make when we have been wronged and we are angry or in pain, are telling and our choices can have both positive and negative repercussions on life, business, those around us and our health.
After the pain of being ousted by his own party, Kevin Rudd has been in the press for racking up enough air miles to fly to the moon this week in his new job. Whether you support Labour or Liberal it’s not easy to forget the look on his face sitting in Parliament hours after being shafted from his job as Prime minister by Julia Gillard and their colleagues. If his recovery strategy is to travel to the moon on the party that shafted him – I guess it’s a strategy!
Closer to home one of my clients has gone belly up and can’t pay the invoices he owes me. His house is on the market, his kids pulled out of their schools and his marriage under strain. He is seeing a Doctor for help and is trying to rebuild his life. I respected his honesty and urgent call into me and wished him well - forget the money. The guy has bigger issues to contend with. He promised when he started his next business I’d be the first agency he would call for marketing and PR help and he would continue to refer my services.
So where do you go when you’ve been shafted or let down and you are in pain? How do you carry on when you are juggling a business, aged parents, life, the kids, a home, finances and the buck stops with you? Business owners all over the world have to get up every day, face the world and get on with life. There is no choice.
One of my colleagues laughed that anger is a first healthy good release. It gets the negative energy out fast, releases the pain and tension and stops you internalising the pain physically.
One of my friends was telling me last night how he never loses his temper, but bleeds internally through periods of great tension. He’s decided it’s better to get angry – occasionally. But then stop! Anger is destructive if not checked appropriately.
So how do we deal with pain?
The old adage 'revenge is sweet' is a sad default. The world - from revenge attacks on the death of Osama Bin Laden to street gangs - is not a better place from mindless acts of revenge. Positive, constructive energy doesn’t emanate from revenge.
So my shaft recovery tips?
- Put positive energy, grace and forgiveness out there
- Turn darkness and negativity into something positive and sunny
- Watch your mouth - grace is good
- Think of the experience as a season, that you will move through
- Get more than enough sleep
- Eat well
- Surround yourself with people who love you and like you
- Spend time with people who are open in reaffirming you
- Take a break if you can
- Go gentle on yourself, slow down
- Write down the things that really matter – that you are lucky to have
- Hug your children or the dog
- Talk to your GP and get help if you need it
Extract the lessons from the incident and surround yourself with people who won’t put you in the same situation again. Most hurts come from those with a different core value system. It’s important you are on the same page, in your belief system, with the people you are dealing with in business and personally.
Check your gut instinct – you are usually right.
On the whole, with exceptions, life has its own way of finding justice. The old adage you pretty much get what you deserve in life is a good one.
And lastly, if all else fails, as my Welsh Grandfather used to say, “Don’t let the bastards get you down”
